Trainwreck
by Missy Jade
Summary: Zach and Kendall's true marriage after begins after a stormy night in Pine Valley and continues in the morning light... [WIP, Zenfocus]
1. Trainwreck

_Rating: T_

_Pairing: Zach/Kendall, AU_

_AN: Song lyrics from Sarah McLachlan's 'Train wreck,' from her album, 'Afterglow'_

_**

* * *

Trainwreck**_

* * *

Something irritating was rippling around inside Zach's skull, something that interrupted his thoughts and skewered his ability to work. It had slowly grown over the past weeks from a mild annoyance to a steady cause of his more violent thoughts. He hated when something like this happened.

Not that anything like this had ever happened before.

So, needless to say, he didn't know what to do about this. He found himself abandoning his work, unable to concentrate beyond a few sentences, a spattering of words. Zach found to his unhappiness that today was no different; with a quiet sigh, he shut his pen and set it to the side of papers, knowing it was useless.

A part of him wanted to visit Miranda but… _that isn't it, Zach, it's something connected to her, but it isn't Miranda who has stuck herself inside your head and refuses to get out._

Zach kneaded his knee with a fist, flexed a hand; his thumb found the band and began twisting it, and he grimaced when he caught the movement. It was another new thing, this strange new habit of his to play with the wedding band. He'd twist it, feel the smooth curve of metal beneath the pad of his thumb… the metal should be cold.

Zach forced his hand flat, set it down on the desk, ignoring his instant urge to fiddle with the gold. He wasn't going to do anything useful today, he decided, and stood, tugging his jacket straight as he put together his work; maybe he'd work tonight, later, when that something in his head stopped.

_Your love in all it's finery  
Tear up the darkness all around me  
Until I can breathe again  
Until I believe again_

Kendall was vaguely aware of the life going on around her. It was like a muffled sitcom going on around her, a kind of fuzzy something that didn't really matter. She tried to make it matter, tried to draw it around her like a winter coat, but it felt like, the harder she tried the harder it was to follow.

Kendall tried to care about the fact that Greenlee was in the restroom with David, was screwing him between his shifts anywhere she could find him… at the hospital, at Fusion… she'd caught them, last night, on Greenlee's desk, watched in sick fascination for several heartbeats before rushing out to her car, shaking and shivering and cold.

And, yet, it didn't _really_ matter, not really, not truly… nothing did these days.

Kendall looked up, her eyes passing over Simone and Danielle, sitting together and laughing… she couldn't hear them, couldn't focus in on the words and the harder she tried, the harder it became, the less she was able to even figure out what they were doing. Movement behind them, a flash of dark jacket and her hideous pink satin nonsense…

Right there, in public, pressed up against the wall, the two whispered together, fingers linked as she pulled him, pushed him toward the elevator. She didn't even try to hide the way the pink dress rode up higher than it should, how the one strap of her little dress hung down, offering one elegant round shoulder.

And then she turned halfway, met Kendall's gaze… and it was a something, something dark and hungry… Kendall flinched, lowering her head, trying to beat down the something that flexed back excitedly, leaving her feeling shamed and dirty.

She heard the quiet ding of the elevator, could see them, in her mind's eye, heading back to some place to get what Greenlee needed. What Greenlee needed and wanted and David was so happy to give her, whatever she wanted… he was crazy about her, always had been… even when she had been his brother's.

_Cause I'm a train wreck  
Waiting to happen  
Waiting for someone to come pick me up off the tracks  
A wild fire born of frustration  
Born of a world, oh, that gets me so high  
I've no fear at all_

He was pulled from studying his Scotch by a crash of lightning, an invisible crash of raw fury that made the muscles beneath his skin twitch in warning. From where he sat, in his slacks and shirt, tie loose around his neck, he raised his head from the amber colored liquid, swirling in the glass, to look out the window.

Another flash cut like a dagger, and the room flashed an ice blue, a violent paleness that seemed unnatural… and, very suddenly, he found himself closed into a silent room, no longer lit with soft gold of electric softness… _how fucking ironic_.

With a grimace, he pulled himself to his feet, carefully setting down the untouched glass before carefully picking his way to the window. All he saw was the night darkness, a smothering blackness that crept into his home. Already, his place was growing hot, heated, closed and imposing and he had a sudden shocking need to run out before the walls closed in on him.

And then the next flash of lightning hit, and, in a heartbeat of jarring, violent light, he saw the shape, crouched and huddled before the door opposite his. He knew that shape, knew the way that mane of hair hung around her face. He saw the slim shape, always so shockingly forceful and dangerous, for exactly what it was.

She was a fragile woman, on her knees, in the rain, searching for her keys in the dark.

_But your eyes like midnight fireflies  
Light up the trenches where my heart lies  
Until I can see again  
Find my way back again_

Kendall found it fitting to be caught out, searching for her keys, in the middle of a storm. She'd been conceived n the middle of a storm like this, maybe God would strike her down with a bolt from above, smite her before she ruined all life beyond recovery.

She was already frozen through, the chilled rain having sunk through her coat and dress, her skin numb as the weight down on her back. Her purse, dropped, was already a lost cause, and, tomorrow, she'd simply throw it away. Her hands scrabbled over stone, nails catching painfully over crags.

And then something was at her side, a hand reaching past her face to… over the roaring of the rain, she heard the jingling of metal against metal. Another flash showed her a shape before she found herself being shoved forward, arms around her to open the door. Kendall staggered at the force against her back, threw out a hand to grab the force…

Her heels caught on her carpet and, if he hadn't of caught her arm, she'd have probably killed herself in the fall. She was aware of a slam of the door, the sound of her keys hitting the marble of her kitchen counter… she felt his hand on her arm, a warm, almost painful force that guided her forward.

And then she was sitting, hearing her own heavy breathing against the back drop of him going through the drawers, the sound of silverware, of rubber bands and scissors and other little items that had no other place. It was dark and tight in here, closed off and hot and heated and…

Kendall found herself sitting against her kitchen counter, ass on the floor, legs painfully tangled up in her dress, hair clumped down around her face. The light was flickering, golden, too soft for her to completely understand… too warm and soft and… "Why can't women keep flashlights instead of candles?"

_Cause I'm a train wreck  
Waiting to happen  
Waiting for someone to come pick me up off the tracks  
A wild fire born of frustration  
born of the one love that gets me so high_

She watched, dully, as he moved around the mantle, igniting each candle, first with several stray matches, then with other candles. She was dazed, shaken down in her core… and she didn't understand him. He finally couldn't take the silent appraisal and glanced over his shoulder, staring back at his watcher.

Jesus, she looked pitiful. White to the lips, pale veins visible even in the dim light of candles… her clothes, a mass of unrecognizable cloth, hung heavy off her frame. She just stared back blankly, shocking blue eyes sunken in far too deep into that perfect face. "Kendall… are you okay?"

She just stared, almost looking look like one of those lifeless porcelain dolls his mother had collected. And it sickened him. She wasn't some empty husk of ruffled lace and pale porcelain… Kendall Hart was life… or, at least, she was supposed to be. This was just wrong. Setting down the candle, he headed over, crouching long enough to get a hold on her.

Setting her on her feet, he pushed and shoved off the excuse for a coat, grunting when it hit the floor with a muffled thump of wet weight. Grasping her bare arms—_she's too cold, far, far too cold_—he turned her, setting her on the couch unhappily. She was… wrong.

He watched for long moments before trudging to the fireplace, dropping unceremoniously to his knees and digging out the stacks of firewood she kept at its side. He highly doubted the Fusion catalogue here was overly important and began shredding that, wishing for some actually kindling.

_I've no fear at all  
To fall so deep into you  
Loose myself completely  
In your sweet embrace  
All my pain's erased_

Kendall watched him make the fire, enjoying the way he stacked it. He stacked it nice, and it was lovely how well he did this really. By the time he turned back to her with that velvet gaze of his, she was feeling good enough that she could return it with something beyond a blank stare.

Not that her attempt at cool calmness was anything _more_ than an attempt. His gaze broke hers instantly and she flinched, looking away from too much knowledge and deciding to focus on the remains of her coat, sitting there like some great dead beast. She forced herself to stay calm when his weight settled beside hers on the couch.

He was warm, a marvelous heat that pulsed with a quiet heartbeat that made parts of her flex and tighten in eagerness. His pulse started another heartbeat, one beneath her, between her, in that oh so sacred space that should never be questioned for its cravings. Kendall struggled past it, struggled to shake off the growing haze of hunger that was slowly unraveling all the good work she'd done as he'd prepared the fire.

She wanted heat, wanted something to satisfy that something inside her, that something that he was so easily causing to stir and shift in excitement. He was heat, she thought drunkenly, he was heat and warmth and everything that she needed and wanted and, oh, god… oh god, oh god, oh god…

That look in Greenlee's eyes as she went off with David, that something that the two understood, something that they shared… beyond words. She was with David right now, probably at his cabin, with him, with him inside her… and she was probably warm and she was probably no longer cold and…

"Kendall… I have a question for you."

She tried to ignore the way his fingers had settled on her wrist, tips finding the steady beat of her blood beneath the skin… but she couldn't, and found herself staring at him, found her own frozen blue gaze meeting that burning, warm one that spoke of desert nights that weren't all that cold, believe it or not.

"What?" A soft whisper, a breath of defeat in the darkened room, still hearable over their breathing and that breaking and popping of wood in fire… he needed to stop, he needed to go away with his heat and warmth and fire and…

"What do you want?"

She shouldn't answer, shouldn't speak, shouldn't give voice to these thoughts in her head, shouldn't… "I want…" She shouldn't do this, let him know, let him see… "I want to want."

What she wanted, truly wanted, went unsaid, but she didn't need to speak, didn't need to voice her heart. She saw that in his gaze… saw in that hazel warmth… Kendall stared as he raised her hand, eyes studying the way that frozen blue vein traced her skin, frozen blood that should be burning and red…

_From your mouth, it's all that I wish  
Mercy of your lips, just one kiss  
Until I can breathe again  
Until I can sing again_

The next moments passed through as a flash of sudden shocking hunger… his fingers found her dress, yanked and she let him, hearing the buttons along her back pop and snap, hearing a few scatter across the floor, her hands tearing at his shirt…

She grunted, gasped against his mouth when he pushed her back, pushing her down to the floor, following her in a slow slide… he pulled away, focused long enough to find the remains of her dress and pull it down and off, past the bra and down, growling in annoyance at being unable to shove it down past her hips, seeing as how she was sprawled out across the floor.

She pulled him back, yanking him and tugging at him desperately, panting helplessly, struggling to keep from screaming in frustration at there still being clothes between them… she need them off, away, out of the way of her and her heat… she pushed the shirt off him, shoved it away, hands going down to his slacks…

And she groaned when he pushed her back down, onto the floor, knee pushing open her legs and she responded happily…

_Cause I'm a train wreck  
Waiting to happen  
Waiting for someone to come pick me up off the tracks  
A wild fire born of frustration  
born of the one love that gets me so high_

They lay together, under covers he had found in her closet, on her bed, mostly because it was easier on both their backs. The fire was nothing but a pile of dying embers, a mound of cooling gray ash. Outside, the morning sunlight was lighting the town, heating the rooms no longer controlled by air conditioners.

Her hair, sticky with sweat, stuck to her neck and back, stuck to his chest and face… he wasn't willing to move it yet. His fingers fiddled with the strands, peeling one, every so often, from her skin and letting it curl in his fingers. "Kendall?"

She whispered against his skin, murmured words and he smiled slightly at the flush of moist heat at her voice.

Her words, softly muffled were nonetheless clear to him, clear as the fact that they'd be spending the day at the casino, which was, to judge by the lack of emergency calls, still fine… "I want you."


	2. Kiss From A Rose

_AN: Lyrics from Seal's 'Kiss From a Rose'

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_

_There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea.  
You became the light on the dark side of me.  
Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill.  
But did you know,  
That when it snows,  
My eyes become large and  
The light that you shine can be seen._

The ground, wet from the storm, glittered in the morning light, flashed when their footsteps rippled small puddles. Usually, he never really noticed them, never really noticed what the air smelled like after a heavy rain… this morning, he did… last night, her hair had held that tang of fresh rain, and, even now, there was a slight touch of it across her own scent.

Her dress, a soft little blue thing, swirled and whirled around her legs… bare feet splashed water… her heels hung from her fingers, and, every few steps, they clicked against each other… her other hand was in his, a perfect fit of fingers laced perfectly together, of palms pressed tight together and the band of gold was a wonderful presence there.

_Baby,  
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.  
Ooh,  
The more I get of you,  
Stranger it feels, yeah.  
And now that your rose is in bloom.  
A light hits the gloom on the grey._

He held open the door, watched her step in, watched her feet pad across expensive stone, leaving wet prints that they'd have to clean up… she pulled him, and he let the door close behind him, a lazy movement that no longer mattered… her hand was strong, tight, unyielding, and he had the feeling that getting out of her grip would be a Hell of a fight.

He leaned against the back of the elevator, watching her stand there, pushing the button, bare feet executing excited little dance steps across the cold tile… he moved his arm, tugged her back and she let herself slide up close, lips grazing his, her hand settling on his side for a moment before moving around, over fabric, to still over his back, and he loved the feel of her fingers spread wide.

She leaned her weight against him and, thankfully, gripped his hand with even more force, fingers tight and digging into the back of his hand… she pressed closer, breasts and belly against his form and, when his hand brushed along her jawbone, she made an exquisite sound in her throat, something that he took in, and enjoyed and craved more of…

His fingertips met her hairline, and ran farther, through curls to cradle the back of her head and he managed to pull her even closer, and he realized, startled, that he seemed to be trying to pull her into himself… nails pricked the back of his hand, and he enjoyed it, savored it as he kissed her harder, unable to fight how much he wanted her with him…

And then she was away from him, dragging him out of the elevator, down the hall…

_There is so much a man can tell you,  
So much he can say.  
You remain,  
My power, my pleasure, my pain, baby_

She let her heels drop to the ground, hand reaching behind her to open the door to his suite and finally managed to push it open… he followed her inside, turning and watching as she closed the door… she brought up her hand, raise it up and studied the way their fingers looked perfectly connected.

Her fingers, paler then his, were slimmer, softer… she traced one of his, traced his tan skin… she pressed her lips to the ring on his finger, and he finally broke… his arm went around her waist, fanned fingertips across her back and he pressed his lips to hers, groaning… for long moments, he just tasted her and, finally, he lifted her up with the one arm, held her close before turning and, in a few steps, let her slide down to the bed.

_To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny.  
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?  
But did you know,  
That when it snows,  
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen._

Finally, now, her hand loosened and she pulled her hers from his, pausing for a moment where she was… sitting on the edge of the bed, staring up at him with luminous green eyes, and he watched as her lips curved upwards, curving into a smile as her eyes filled up with hunger…

Leaning forward onto both knees, she sat upwards and her hands came up, pressing against his chest for a moment before gliding up to reach his tie… he just stood and watched her, loving the way her curls moved as her fingers worked at the knot… finally getting it open, she pulled it off him, let it drop to the floor.

When she pulled him down onto the bed by use of his jacket, he let himself follow her movements… pulling him down on top of her, and kissing him, hand holding the back of his head and he braced one hand beside her head, enjoying the desperation he felt in her, felt in the way she touched him.

_Baby,  
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.  
Ooh, the more I get of you  
Stranger it feels, yeah  
Now that your rose is in bloom,  
A light hits the gloom on the grave._

Setting one knee at her side, he kissed her back, and let his hands wander across her breasts and stomach… she reacted and arched up and he groaned when one long leg slid around him, slid up, and then another, and he suddenly found himself pushed onto his back, and there she was, straddling his thighs.

She unbuttoned his shirt, pushed his jacket open and bent over him, her lips grazing his neck, fingernails trailing over his shoulders and chest… he let his hands settle on the back of her thighs, hold her and he, if he wasn't so dazed by her, he'd be doing a lot more right now.

He sat up, let her push the shirt off and onto the bed; she pushed him back with her hands to his shoulders, and then her hands went to his belt, unbuckled it, started tugging, grinning and laughing and, when she tossed the belt away, he chuckled aloud and she let out an annoyed growl of "Stop interrupting the romance, buddy."

He just kissed her, holding her tightly as he let his lips and teeth trail from her mouth to her jaw and then to torment the spot beneath her ear and she reacted, arching up above him… his hands found the zipper of her dress that ran up her back… finally getting it open, he slipped the straps off her shoulders.

_He loved her… he loved her… he loved her…_ He slid a hand around to cradle her head as he finally managed to get her back on her back, tossing the dress off the bed…

_Baby,  
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.  
Ooh, the more I get of you  
Stranger it feels, yeah  
Now that your rose is in bloom,  
A light hits the gloom on the grave.  
Yes I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey  
Ooh, the more I get of you  
Stranger it feels, yeah  
And now that your rose is in bloom  
A light hits the gloom on the grave  
Now that your rose is in bloom,  
A light hits the gloom on the grave._

When he got back to bed, he found her sitting up, sheet tucked around her; when she spotted him, she immediately started motioning him back. Chuckling, he obeyed, watching as she moved the covers back to let him in. As soon as he was close, she grabbed a hold of him, burying up against her husband.

For several moments they were just a flurry of movement, trying to get comfortable and, finally, happily, they settled. It was broad daylight and, in Pine Valley, electricity was being given back to many… right now, the two lay together, warm and completely calm. He breathed in the scent of her, one hand spread across her back.

"I never would have pictured you as a big snuggler," she murmured into his chest; he smiled, brushed a stray curl from her face, and he decided that he liked how well she fit against him when they laid together… perfect fit, in every little, important way.

"Is that a complaint, Mrs. Hart-Slater?"

She shifted and he found two clear, dazzling blue eyes peering at him in amusement. She moved again, scooting up and he found her eye-level with himself. She grinned, a broad smile that made his stomach in a rather unmanly way… not that she had to know that though, right?

"You should know that you kept your promise."

Okay, maybe it was the fact that they'd just worked up enough heat to make a glacier melt but, for some strange reason, he was utterly lost and, somehow, she, inexplicably, saw it in his face; laughing, she reached up, tapped one temple lightly.

"Last year? Remember? You were being all big and manly? Here, let me refresh your memory… 'I'll make you feel like a woman.' Don't tell me you forgot about that?"

He snorted, and would never admit that he loved how she was tapping his temple like that. "Of course I didn't forget that… and I'm glad you didn't."

Hah… he felt a slight glee at the slight brush that crept into her face… and he felt even more glee when she burrowed her face into his chest, mumbling something about not being able to forget stupid lines. So he hadn't been the only to remember that… so, what was he supposed to do? Was he supposed to tell her that moments like that had been plaguing him for months? That he'd thought back on that suggestion with far too much want?

Zach sighed, letting out his breath in a huff against her curls and she shivered against him, and, god, he loved how wonderful that felt… he would be a happy man if he had this forever… he closed his eyes, taking another breath as he thought. Yes… yes, he should… "I remember it… I never stopped thinking about it."

Her mumble, against his chest, was, yet again, perfectly clear… apparently, he always understood her. "I know that."

There was silence but, no, not the kind he'd grown, in the last months, to loathe. She'd swept up into his life, disrupted his ability to stay uncaring… before, he'd never really thought about the silence he was always caught in and, then, she was there and, just like that, that silence suddenly hurt.

This, this silence they lay in now was wonderful, a softness that he enjoyed as much as he loved how she sounded when she laughed at his apparent stupidity… she shifted, rolling in his tight hold, and finally pushing her back against him, sighing quietly like some sated big cat.

And she slept, in his arms, in the middle of the day, and, for the first time in ages, she just slept… no dark dreams, no edges to fall from, nothing to run from or hide from.

And he lay awake, holding her, and, every so often, he let his fingers brush her face or neck, caress her arms, brush curls back… later, they'd worry about Erica… and she'd fret about how to get Greenlee to just make it official and go with her heart and he'd fret about her and what she meant to him.

But, for now, he lay and loved her and loved how she made him feel and loved how right she felt and how right it felt to listen to her heart beat as she slept… and, finally, tucking his head close to hers, he slept also, right where he was supposed to… at her side, in this perfect beautiful silence she'd given him.


End file.
